Warning: If you know the meaning of the word sommelier, cru, terroir, or if you normally spend $30 dollars or more on a bottle of wine, NAVIGATE AWAY FROM THIS PAGE IMMEDIATELY. Otherwise read on.
EQUIPMENT NEEDED: 1 five gallon white bucket. 12 two liter pop bottles.
TOTAL ELAPSED TIME FROM START TO DRINKING: ~two weeks.
TOTAL COST: ~$35
METHOD:
Garbage pick the cleanest, white, five gallon bucket you can find from behind some restaurant.
Go to Dan's or your own local homebrewing supply shop and buy Lalvin 118 wine yeast, one package of acid blend, one package of pectin ezyme powder (if using fresh fruit) and one package of yeast nutrient.
Buy your fruit juice (on sale!) you will need about 23 liters of grape, apple or any other kind of juice. Frozen concentrated juice is okay if it is actually fruit juice...if the first ingredient on the can is sugar then it won't make very good wine...you'll need 12 cans.
The best juice is unfiltered, not from concentrate juice. My favourite is RW Knudson black cherry juice but it's very expensive. Santa Cruz apple juice is excellent. A good and much more affordable alternative is SunRype grape juice. Aim to spend about a dollar a liter on your juice.
Also buy a 4 kilogram bag of white sugar.
Fresh fruit should be run through a juicer before adding to the bucket. It is a great way to improve your wine but it's time consuming.
Go home and carefully wash your 5 gallon bucket.
Pour your sugar and fruit juice and two teaspoons each of the pectin enzyme powder, the acid blend and the yeast nutrient and fill up the bucket....(all your ingredients must be at ROOM TEMPERATURE!) ..... to within 5 inches of the top. Stir briskly to dissolve the sugar.
Sprinkle the yeast into your bucket and cover it with plastic wrap.
The next day your wine will be foaming with the fermentation.
Over the next couple of days collect 12- two liter pop bottles with lids from recycling and wash them and the lids carefully with hot water at the sink.
The wine will be finished fermenting in about 10 days.
Line up all your pop bottles and using a jug scoop the wine out of your bucket and put the first one into a glass and drink it. Then continue to scoop out wine and fill up all your bottles to within about 2 inches of the tops WITHOUT SPLASHING.
If you want your wine carbonated, dissolve one cup of white sugar in about one cup hot tap water in your jug and trickle it as equally as you can into the pop bottles on top of the wine....put the caps on and put all the bottles in the closet or cover them with a towel to shield them from light.
The wine will be fizzy and mostly clear in about 10 days but you can drink some any time before that if you are ready. The clarity and the flavour will continue to improve for several months however. Even wine that is made from relatively weak flavoured, pasteurized and from concentrate juice will improve significantly after several months in the bottle. I make lots of wine to try to make sure that some of it lasts that long.
You will see sediment in the bottom of the bottles, the wine will be clearing from the top down and the bottles will be very hard.
If you have carbonated your wine you must chill the bottles in the fridge before opening them or there will be a lot of foaming.
Invite me over to drink your wine.
If you want to take your wine out with you, it would be best to decant a chilled bottle into an empty pop bottle so as to leave the sediment behind.
Rinse your empties as soon as possible for easy cleaning and reuse.
Conveniences such as a spigot for your bucket and an airlock for the lid can be added later if desired for convenience but this method requires very little investment of time, money and effort for a novice.....the world of home brewing only gets bigger from here..... this is the quickest, easiest and simplest way. Your wine should cost about $1.50 per liter depending on the cost of your juice.
FAQ
Do I have to invite Julian over to drink my wine?
Answer: Yes
Can I use other containers than a white 5 gallon bucket?
Answer: No
How will I know when my wine is ready to drink?
Answer: There is no point at which you cannot drink your wine. If you drink it before fermentation is complete you won't be able to get drunk because you won't have enough alcohol in it yet. If you drink it as soon as fermentation is complete you'll be able to get drunk but the wine won't be as clear nor as smooth tasting as later on.....but I drink all wine when I am ready.
Is it legal to make wine?
Answer: Yes
Will my wine be as good as Château Lafite Rothschild?
Answer: No
Will my wine be cheaper than any wine that I can buy in stores
Answer: Yes
Can I poison or make myself sick drinking my home made wine?
Answer: Not unless you drink too much.
Can I pair my wine with food?
Yes.
Will my wine be as good as cheap, store bought wine?
Answer: Only wine made from grapes tastes like grape wine. Wine tastes like the fruit from which it is made. If you want your wine to taste like varietal grape wine you will have to start with that juice. If you start with apple juice you will only be able to make apple wine. It doesn't mean it won't be good it just means that it won't taste like wine made from grapes. If you do wish for good tasting grape wine then buy grape juice or a wine making kit. The process is the same as listed here but it will cost more money. In Canada this will still always be a lot cheaper than buying wine but in lower tax jurisdictions such as California you are going have a tough time beating the cost of Two Buck Chuck. If you don't put too high a cost on your time and effort and/or if the grapes are free then you'll save money.
Can I put my wine in Bordeaux bottles and cork and label them?
Yes.
Will my wine taste better poured out of wine bottles?
Yes.
Can I sell my wine?
No.
Can I give it to friends as gifts?
No.
Can I give it to my enemies?
Yes
Can I cook with it?
Yes.
Can I clean floors and other household surfaces with it?
No.
Can I burn it in my car?
No.
Can I pass a breathalyser test after drinking a bottle of my wine?
No.
Is there any risk of clothing removal when drinking my wine?
Yes.
Is my wine flammable?
No.
Will my wine "go bad?"
No.
Will drinking my wine get me pregnant?
Possibly.
Can I drink my wine when I'm pregnant?
No.
Will drinking my wine cause riots?
Possibly
Is my wine suitable for hand to hand combat?
Yes.
When should I make more wine?
Now.
