Booze and taxes. Here are subjects that are very important to Canadians....how to acquire the former and avoid the latter. There's good news and bad news on these subjects. The good news is that if you are willing to do a little manual labour and research, all your booze can be totally tax free...the bad news is that if you buy your booze at the store, or order it at the bar or restaurant, no matter where in Canada you live, you are going to pay a crushingly high rate of tax. Taxes on taxes, taxes on retail mark-up and tips on taxes. With few exceptions in Europe and N. America and none in Canada, one, two and three hundred percent tax rates on all alcoholic beverages are the norm. Governments are addicted to the cash flow ( The BCLDB counts its profits in the hundreds of millions yearly!) and to a large extent, Canadians still have an historically, cultural, guilt complex about sin taxes and we like paying liquor tax because it relieves us of feeling guilty about drinking booze. But for those of us who hate paying taxes, especially sin tax on our booze, this blog will explain how to get top quality booze, tax free, with the minimum of equipment to buy, the least amount of space consumed and the least amount spent in time over all.
There really are only two kinds of booze in the world. The first is soft booze (beer, wine, cider.) The second kind is hard booze made from these by distilling (vodka, whiskey, rum etc.) One must ferment sugar first even if the goal ultimately is to make hard liquor. For example, whiskey is distilled beer....beer with some of the water removed.
So let's start with soft booze. No matter what kind of soft booze you prefer, the process is the same. We mix up a sugar solution and add yeast to ferment the sugar into ethanol. There's lots of technical info available free on the net about home brewing. But here's how an urban dwelling Canadian with limited space, money and time can efficiently home brew.
The basic amount to brew most efficiently is 23 liters....that's about 5 imperial gallons. A brewing vessel of this size will take up 30 cm., that's about 1 sq. ft. on your kitchen counter...but it won't fit in your appliance garage...and you'll need a shelf or cupboard that will hold 12-2L pop bottles. So if you if you aren't prepared to dedicate this much space to your home brewing kit then you should just go to the liquor store right now. So get a 5 gallon plastic bucket or glass or plastic carboy (Craigslist has lots) If you want wine get a kit from your local Ubrew supply store or grocery store. If you want beer buy 2 cans of malt extract ( 2 beer kits.) If you want cider buy 23L of apple juice or frozen concentrate. Other kinds of fruit juice, and honey will also work well. Minute Maid or Welch's frozen concentrated fruit juices are perfect, especially when on sale. Adding additional white sugar will raise the alcohol percentage. In any case either mix up the concentrate with warm, NOT HOT, water from your tap or in the case of apple juice warm up enough of it to make it all tepid, pour it all into your nice clean container and sprinkle in the yeast that you bought at the home brewing store or that came with the kit or use bakers yeast if you're desperate and put a clean towel over the top. Next go to your garbage room or recycling center and collect 12-2 liter pop bottles with caps and wash 'em. When fermentation is complete ( about 5 days) siphon the booze into your bottles leaving 2 fingers of space. To make beer or cider fizzy dissolve a 3/4 cup of sugar in hot tap water in a measuring cup. Trickle it equally into your 12 bottles and put the caps on. This isn't necessary with wine or if you intend to make hard liquor. Wait 10 days or so and then if it's ready, or if you're ready, chill it in the fridge and drink it. If you want to take your booze out with you, decant it into another 2 liter bottle and avoid disturbing the sediment in the bottom of the bottles. I do not remove the labels from my bottles since pop bottles disguise booze nicely when at the beach or wherever. As soon as your booze is bottled, start another batch. 23 liters seems like a lot but it won't last long and if you don't start another batch you'll run out and start getting taxed at the liquor store. This kind of booze is totally legal and totally tax free in Canada. All the necessary equipment and supplies are available anywhere or can be ordered online if absolutely necessary. It's easy to make beer, wine and cider for about a buck or two a liter! Yes home brewing can be taken to higher levels but keeping it dead simple as I've described will provide basic booze for drinking and cooking at a cost of about 25% of liquor store prices generally...yes that's right....75% less than liquor store prices!
Alright so what about hard liquor. To make this stuff you are going to have to distill, on the stove top, the soft booze you've fermented. Just like the soft booze, the best way to start is to keep it simple. You are going to have to buy a distiller or make one from plans on the net. You can do it with the pot and bowl technique but these are very time consuming projects. My recommendation is to buy a distiller and keep it in the kitchen just like a juicer. The purchase of a beautiful and professionally made distiller from Mile high Distilling will cost you several hundred dollars but as Canadians we all know how much a 26er of vodka costs. If you don't then this article won't be very useful to you. There is a type of counter top, electric, air cooled distiller called Mr Distiller that is available in Canada that has to be the easiest way to make hard liquor in the kitchen. If you order this distiller now before you start making your wine, by the time your wine has fermented, Mr Distiller will have been delivered and you'll be drinking brandy by the middle of the afternoon...YES my tax paying Canadian friend! This thing makes a 26er an hour of hard liquor and it's under $300 bucks. We are trying to keep it cheap, quick and simple here so if your family and friends drink any kind of hard booze on a regular basis, no matter how much you spend on your still, you'll get that money back on your investment very quickly. Distilling that 23L bucket of 13% abv. wine you just made will produce several 26ers of vodka! Yes my crantini drinking friend...you can buy a top quality home distiller that will make vodka for 3 dollars a bottle. A full 23L container of soft booze will likely produce around 3 liters or so hard booze depending on how strong your soft booze is at the start. Brewing equipment is one of the best investments a Canadian imbiber can make. Because it eliminates completely all the tax payable on the most highly taxed and widely consumed product in the country! There's no tax on tomatoes so it doesn't make sense to grow and can yer own tomatoes from a financial perspective....at one dollar per can, it's impossible to improve on the economies of scale achieved by factories. But beating Canadian liquor store prices by half or more is child's play because the price.....well it's mostly tax.
Ok so maybe getting a Coke bottle full of homebrew and 20 nuggets and going to pigeon park isn't the way to impress your particular date. Maybe you could lower your standards. Maybe he/she will warm up to chicken n' hooch. Maybe tuna sashimi and Grey Goose at the Blue Water Cafe could wait until the economy improves or hell freezes over.
Of course for the Canadian who wants to be truly frugal, the best way of all is to double dip so to speak...first we make our own booze then we drink it in a place that is paid for by tax payers....a public place. This is the way to truly have a satisfying Canadian night out. Parks work well but discretion is the key. Drinking in public in Canada is generally illegal but it is tolerated if we don't flash the containers around. The problem with drinking home made crantinis in public parks is that it often leads to the removal of clothing which is also illegal in Canada in public places generally and that tends to draw the attention of uniformed civil servants that are paid with tax dollars..... so don't take too many bottles to the park.
Here's one more thing, speaking of hell freezing over which is exactly what happens every winter in Canada. If you get a deal on sugar and make a few liters of pure ethanol you might be able to run your alcohol stove to keep warm at the park and boil your hotdogs and dump some in the tank of your Tempo to mitigate the ass whipping that occurs every time we swipe our cards at the PetroCan.....booze isn't the only highly taxed liquid in Canada......but even with the tax it's going to be tough to beat the price of gas with your stove top distiller.
Old myths can be generally considered to be just that. You won't blow up the place nor will you go blind....probably. Little to no pressure is produced during distilling nor are poisons produced. Your hard booze won't be anymore toxic than your soft booze except as a result of over consumption. There's a lot of confusion about what is and what is not legal when it comes to making booze. Many weird, funny, stupid and Prohibition Era laws remain in force all over the world. I'm not about to start giving legal advice here. But it appears to me that if you don't try to sell your booze and stick to drinking it, here in Canada, you'll be ok. If you're discreet and make good hooch you'll be able to trade it for pot...and eggs...and uh....
So if you spend $1000 a year at the liquor store you can save 75% of that by spending an evening or two every few weeks "cooking booze" in your kitchen and also have the satisfaction of knowing that you're starving the bureaucracy.
So why don't all Canadians have a little fermenter bubbling away on the counter, a little distiller boiling away on the stove? After all it's no more difficult than making bread or apple pie plus doing the dishes and the cost savings are massive. It's more wide spread than you might think. Most Canadians ARE discreet. There are home brewing supply shops in most towns and cities and on the net. Well some mitigate costs by using a ubrew service and this certainly is better than the liquor store but costs double what home brewing does and will incur the hated HST on the service portion of the bill. But most of us just don't bother. Maybe this rant will encourage a few folks to start home brewing...after all, the gov't wants me to homebrew...that's why there's no tax on it! I'm just being a good Canadian.
There really are only two kinds of booze in the world. The first is soft booze (beer, wine, cider.) The second kind is hard booze made from these by distilling (vodka, whiskey, rum etc.) One must ferment sugar first even if the goal ultimately is to make hard liquor. For example, whiskey is distilled beer....beer with some of the water removed.
So let's start with soft booze. No matter what kind of soft booze you prefer, the process is the same. We mix up a sugar solution and add yeast to ferment the sugar into ethanol. There's lots of technical info available free on the net about home brewing. But here's how an urban dwelling Canadian with limited space, money and time can efficiently home brew.
The basic amount to brew most efficiently is 23 liters....that's about 5 imperial gallons. A brewing vessel of this size will take up 30 cm., that's about 1 sq. ft. on your kitchen counter...but it won't fit in your appliance garage...and you'll need a shelf or cupboard that will hold 12-2L pop bottles. So if you if you aren't prepared to dedicate this much space to your home brewing kit then you should just go to the liquor store right now. So get a 5 gallon plastic bucket or glass or plastic carboy (Craigslist has lots) If you want wine get a kit from your local Ubrew supply store or grocery store. If you want beer buy 2 cans of malt extract ( 2 beer kits.) If you want cider buy 23L of apple juice or frozen concentrate. Other kinds of fruit juice, and honey will also work well. Minute Maid or Welch's frozen concentrated fruit juices are perfect, especially when on sale. Adding additional white sugar will raise the alcohol percentage. In any case either mix up the concentrate with warm, NOT HOT, water from your tap or in the case of apple juice warm up enough of it to make it all tepid, pour it all into your nice clean container and sprinkle in the yeast that you bought at the home brewing store or that came with the kit or use bakers yeast if you're desperate and put a clean towel over the top. Next go to your garbage room or recycling center and collect 12-2 liter pop bottles with caps and wash 'em. When fermentation is complete ( about 5 days) siphon the booze into your bottles leaving 2 fingers of space. To make beer or cider fizzy dissolve a 3/4 cup of sugar in hot tap water in a measuring cup. Trickle it equally into your 12 bottles and put the caps on. This isn't necessary with wine or if you intend to make hard liquor. Wait 10 days or so and then if it's ready, or if you're ready, chill it in the fridge and drink it. If you want to take your booze out with you, decant it into another 2 liter bottle and avoid disturbing the sediment in the bottom of the bottles. I do not remove the labels from my bottles since pop bottles disguise booze nicely when at the beach or wherever. As soon as your booze is bottled, start another batch. 23 liters seems like a lot but it won't last long and if you don't start another batch you'll run out and start getting taxed at the liquor store. This kind of booze is totally legal and totally tax free in Canada. All the necessary equipment and supplies are available anywhere or can be ordered online if absolutely necessary. It's easy to make beer, wine and cider for about a buck or two a liter! Yes home brewing can be taken to higher levels but keeping it dead simple as I've described will provide basic booze for drinking and cooking at a cost of about 25% of liquor store prices generally...yes that's right....75% less than liquor store prices!
Alright so what about hard liquor. To make this stuff you are going to have to distill, on the stove top, the soft booze you've fermented. Just like the soft booze, the best way to start is to keep it simple. You are going to have to buy a distiller or make one from plans on the net. You can do it with the pot and bowl technique but these are very time consuming projects. My recommendation is to buy a distiller and keep it in the kitchen just like a juicer. The purchase of a beautiful and professionally made distiller from Mile high Distilling will cost you several hundred dollars but as Canadians we all know how much a 26er of vodka costs. If you don't then this article won't be very useful to you. There is a type of counter top, electric, air cooled distiller called Mr Distiller that is available in Canada that has to be the easiest way to make hard liquor in the kitchen. If you order this distiller now before you start making your wine, by the time your wine has fermented, Mr Distiller will have been delivered and you'll be drinking brandy by the middle of the afternoon...YES my tax paying Canadian friend! This thing makes a 26er an hour of hard liquor and it's under $300 bucks. We are trying to keep it cheap, quick and simple here so if your family and friends drink any kind of hard booze on a regular basis, no matter how much you spend on your still, you'll get that money back on your investment very quickly. Distilling that 23L bucket of 13% abv. wine you just made will produce several 26ers of vodka! Yes my crantini drinking friend...you can buy a top quality home distiller that will make vodka for 3 dollars a bottle. A full 23L container of soft booze will likely produce around 3 liters or so hard booze depending on how strong your soft booze is at the start. Brewing equipment is one of the best investments a Canadian imbiber can make. Because it eliminates completely all the tax payable on the most highly taxed and widely consumed product in the country! There's no tax on tomatoes so it doesn't make sense to grow and can yer own tomatoes from a financial perspective....at one dollar per can, it's impossible to improve on the economies of scale achieved by factories. But beating Canadian liquor store prices by half or more is child's play because the price.....well it's mostly tax.
Ok so maybe getting a Coke bottle full of homebrew and 20 nuggets and going to pigeon park isn't the way to impress your particular date. Maybe you could lower your standards. Maybe he/she will warm up to chicken n' hooch. Maybe tuna sashimi and Grey Goose at the Blue Water Cafe could wait until the economy improves or hell freezes over.
Of course for the Canadian who wants to be truly frugal, the best way of all is to double dip so to speak...first we make our own booze then we drink it in a place that is paid for by tax payers....a public place. This is the way to truly have a satisfying Canadian night out. Parks work well but discretion is the key. Drinking in public in Canada is generally illegal but it is tolerated if we don't flash the containers around. The problem with drinking home made crantinis in public parks is that it often leads to the removal of clothing which is also illegal in Canada in public places generally and that tends to draw the attention of uniformed civil servants that are paid with tax dollars..... so don't take too many bottles to the park.
Here's one more thing, speaking of hell freezing over which is exactly what happens every winter in Canada. If you get a deal on sugar and make a few liters of pure ethanol you might be able to run your alcohol stove to keep warm at the park and boil your hotdogs and dump some in the tank of your Tempo to mitigate the ass whipping that occurs every time we swipe our cards at the PetroCan.....booze isn't the only highly taxed liquid in Canada......but even with the tax it's going to be tough to beat the price of gas with your stove top distiller.
Old myths can be generally considered to be just that. You won't blow up the place nor will you go blind....probably. Little to no pressure is produced during distilling nor are poisons produced. Your hard booze won't be anymore toxic than your soft booze except as a result of over consumption. There's a lot of confusion about what is and what is not legal when it comes to making booze. Many weird, funny, stupid and Prohibition Era laws remain in force all over the world. I'm not about to start giving legal advice here. But it appears to me that if you don't try to sell your booze and stick to drinking it, here in Canada, you'll be ok. If you're discreet and make good hooch you'll be able to trade it for pot...and eggs...and uh....
So if you spend $1000 a year at the liquor store you can save 75% of that by spending an evening or two every few weeks "cooking booze" in your kitchen and also have the satisfaction of knowing that you're starving the bureaucracy.
So why don't all Canadians have a little fermenter bubbling away on the counter, a little distiller boiling away on the stove? After all it's no more difficult than making bread or apple pie plus doing the dishes and the cost savings are massive. It's more wide spread than you might think. Most Canadians ARE discreet. There are home brewing supply shops in most towns and cities and on the net. Well some mitigate costs by using a ubrew service and this certainly is better than the liquor store but costs double what home brewing does and will incur the hated HST on the service portion of the bill. But most of us just don't bother. Maybe this rant will encourage a few folks to start home brewing...after all, the gov't wants me to homebrew...that's why there's no tax on it! I'm just being a good Canadian.
